Monday, October 15, 2007

Airhorns: You bring out the worst in me

I don't like airhorns. You know the annoying noisemaker that obnoxious, overconfident parents bring to sporting events in order to humiliate and brag all in one, HONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK?

I've been on both sides of the air horn. J was once on an All Star Baseball team with a boy whose father seemed to blow an air horn each time he breathed. Oh! My son caught the ball! HONK. Oh! My son hit a double! HONK. Oh! My son took a drink of water! HONK. Our team was doing very well, which everyone who had eyes could see. We did not need Father Goose and his honking to inform the crowd.

Once, and I'm almost afraid to admit this, I was involved in a verbal "spat" of sorts during one of J's soccer games with a group of parents from a snotty soccer club. They all had air horns and alcohol. Yes, this is a great combo. Intoxicated people do not know how to exercise restraint in pushing the button. So, I nicely asked them to put their air horns away since they were beating us 9-0, taunting our goalie, and laughing at the boys. They did not respond nicely to my request. Fortunately, the referee glared at all of them and they realized it didn't matter how great and wonderful their soccer club was, they better quiet down.

So, this past weekend we were at our home tournament. Our boys made it to the championship. This was a miracle of sorts since we've had a really rough season. It's easy to size up the opposing team by watching their fans before the game. Sometimes the parents line their chairs up in a perfectly straight line and speak in hushed tones. Their boys don't goof around during warm ups, they have their game faces on, and they beat the tar out of us. Some parents are social, they come down and talk with our parents. Their teams are usually like us--friendly and fun. Then some teams' fans look pretty harmless and normal, but really, they're not. Such was the case yesterday when we realized that the team we were playing had air horns.

Suddenly, we all were in panic mode. Did we have anything noisy, too? Would jingling our keys count? This team was out for blood. They fully believed they were going to win. They had dads coaching from the sidelines just in case their actual coach's words weren't enough.

Fortunately, our boys never gave that team a chance to blow their horns. We won 1-0.
We were all pretty excited to say the least and after all of my hooping and hollering and celebrating, I know that I too, should never be given a noise making device at a game because if I had one, I'd make too much of a spectacle of myself. My noisy mouth is quite enough.

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