Friday, February 15, 2008

I hate skunks

If you are a person who ponders deep questions and hopes to one day ask God these questions, then please put the following one on your list because it's going to be on mine.

WHY DID GOD MAKE SKUNKS?

Last year--almost exactly at this time, we realized there was a skunk brothel under our deck. Then when we tried to trap them, we realized there was a virtual wild kingdom out there as we ended up catching raccoons, possums, and squirrels all before catching the skunks that we ended up shooting.

This capital punishment was what most of my posts on my previous blog were about a year ago because we were in the midst of a horrible time; however, some psychopath who must wear skunk perfume and invite them over for dinner wrote me threatening emails for killing said animals.

What this crazy nut didn't realize is that the smell had infiltrated our house, we were going out in public smelling of skunk, and the only way to completely rid our house of the odor was to open all windows, turn on the ceiling fans, and shut off the heat while the house aired out. Living in the Midwest is not conducive to open windows in February! The kicker was when J went to school smelling like skunk. His locker smelled from his coat, his books and notebooks smelled, and he was embarrassed.

We did some research last year and realized that February and March is mating season and the males often spray other males when they're fighting over their overabundance of females. Yes, they have harems! Life is just grand.

I'm not failing to see the irony in all of this. Last night was Valentine's Day and if anyone tells you that skunks don't celebrate, they are wrong because there was a whole lot of lovin' going on and I guess our little harem didn't want to be disturbed because I was awakened to the foul smell as it penetrated our house and moved through the heating ducts.

We're now sitting in a house that is a refrigerator, candles are burning, Febreze has been sprayed everywhere and I'm making plans to remove our deck as I design what our new patio will look like. Meanwhile, I'm plotting their death and no nutty skunk lover is going to deter me from my quest to rid my backyard if these disgusting animals.

Skunks must die.

3 comments:

Mandy said...

I would move in fact I feel so bad for you I am offering my services to help you move...I am so sorry for you....

Colleen said...

Yuck... yuck... yuck!!! Skunks smell so bad that when one sprays around our house and it infiltrates, it's almost as if I taste it!!! Blehhh. Is there ANYTHING offensive to skunks to keep them away??? Besides arsenic I mean...

june clever said...

Thank you Mandy and Colleen for your sympathy. I never realized a skunk could make me angry. Mandy-remember when Mark lived with your family that summer and he wanted so desperately to know what a skunk smelled like because they didn't have them in England?
Was he out of his mind?