Saturday, February 16, 2008

Skunk Tale

I realized at about 1:00 this afternoon when my friend stopped by, and then again at 5:00 this evening when Mike came home from work that my feeble attempts to rid the house of foul odor did nothing. Granted the smell wasn't as strong, but it definitely wasn't gone. The kids and I had become immune to it.

So, I made a trip to good old Bath and Body Works to buy a wallflower refill. I was pretty angry as I made my way into the store thinking about how some stupid creature was really messing up my home and the more I thought about it the more enraged I became until the poor gentleman who tried to help me in the store was accosted with more information than he had bargained for. (As a side note--what kind of guy wants to work at Bath and Body Works?)

Our conversation went like this:

BBW GUY: Can I help you find something?

ME WITH DESPERATION IN VOICE: Yes, I need a lot of Blissful Blackberry wallflower refills because my home has been invaded by skunk smell and it won't go away.

BBW GUY: Oooooo, so sorry, we've discontinued that scent.

ME WITH LOOK OF ARE YOU KIDDING ME ON MY FACE: NO!!!!!!!!! You don't understand. That's the smell I like and it will hopefully overpower the skunk smell. We are all going to start to stink and it will be embarrassing.

BBW GUY: You're telling me you have a skunk IN YOUR HOUSE? Why don't you get rid of it?

ME WITH SARCASM: How exactly can I get rid of them? Nobody seems to be able to help me and now everything stinks and I need blissful blackberrry!

He went on to suggest a variety of nauseating smells that I hated until I decided to settle with some raspberry vanilla concoction that is growing on me as I sit here while it permeates the house.

In an effort to nicely "ask" the skunks to leave, Mike set up a light under the deck that is so bright I think it could alert ships in New England. The theory behind this being they will be offended by the light and then quietly pack up and leave peacefully.

These skunks probably have sunglasses and are enjoying the lamp for the heat it gives off. Mr. Skunk and his brothel are probably out there throwing a party for all the neighborhood critters. We have the Hugh Hefner of the skunk world living under our deck and I have a husband who won't tear the stupid thing down.

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